It was 2pm on Sunday, and as the rain cascaded off my face and into my now more water than beer corona, and my clothes held a similar material to water ratio, I thought maybe…just maybe, I had spent too much money on the apparently water proof stadium jackets during my presidency.

Apologies for the lack of report last week, only two games were played as the girls had a catch up round, and the firsts and reserves were handed walkovers. While I didn’t see the thirds triumphant come from behind win against TOPSA to seal their place in the next round of the cup, what I did see of the veterans 11-0 capitulation to some team who beat them really really badly didn’t warrant writing about.

So in conditions that would make Michael Phelps reconsider if he really wanted to get that wet, the courageous Boronia teams set off for their respective matches.

The maidens were up first against a team that have conceded more goals than the reserves have scored, which is a lot, and true to form they let in a hatful. 5 to Marissa Preston, 2 to Masa Mihaljcic, 2 to Megan Cazaly, 2 to Sinead “Mikaela” McGettigan and 1 to Catherine Taylor gave the girls a 12-0 win and made them the first Boronia team this season to be on the good side of a double figure score line.

The thirds were up next and goals to Callum Butler and Brent Chestworth earned them a 2-2 draw with Hampton Park.

I know it’s short, deal with it.

So down to Seaford in what was a top of the table clash for the firsts and reserves. Have I mentioned it was raining? Even R-Kelly wouldn’t be into getting pissed on like we were on Sunday. Both teams came into the match having had somewhat of undesirable results in the lead up, with the shower crew drawing 0-0 with Croydon and the Seaford “Mad Dogz” I swear they picked that name themselves, losing 4-2 to Rosebud.

With five players back in the mix after injuries and suspensions and holidays, Boronia went into the game cautiously optimistic. However pumped on Pedigree and kibble the Mad Dogz were intent on crashing the party.

The conditions were torrential and Boronia employed a new tactic which looked suspiciously similar to the don’t pass to your own team mates tactic they employed against Croydon. The exception to this rule of course was Jiyah Cave who, as I’ve observed this season is loathe to pass to anyone wearing a yellow shirt, managed to have the highest pass completion accuracy of any Boronia player in the first half. The game was scrappy and Seaford’s lack of ability was only matched by Boronias willingness to sink to their level. I know I usually spin a fairly positive Boronia bias in these reports but I stood in the rain for two hours watching that shit fest. A break through looked unlikely for Boronia, and after rattling the crossbar with a long range effort, Seaford took the lead on the half hour mark. Picking up the ball after some panicked defending, the St Bernard of the Mad Dogz lashed the ball into the bottom corner of the goal from 20 yards out. Seaford were jubilant and Beethoven collected a schmacko from his coach as a reward. Team Captain Tim Ogle made his first appearance since injuring his knee a few weeks ago and Boronia closed out the first half as the stronger team.

At halftime I literally squeezed a litre of water out of my shirt and tried in vain to dry my clothes under the hand dryer to no avail. Maybe if Seaford spent less money on dog treats and more money on Dyson Air blades, I wouldn’t have emerged for the second half looking like I’d been swimming in Bainey’s tears from Presentation Night two years ago.

The rain didn’t let up and my fourth Corona was getting more and more watered down, which is great for hydration but I wanted to get fucking drunk. On the pitch the shower crew were much improved but disaster struck when a mix up in defence resulted in Seaford winger Georgie one boot (aptly named because he was wearing mismatched boots) stroking the ball into an empty net. The reserves rallied and in the sustained pressure that followed Boronia wasted three free headers in the box before their perseverance paid off with ten minutes to go. Jarrod White finishing low into the back of the net to make it 2-1. More chances went begging and as the clock ticked down Christmas, the Mad Dogz defender with a chip on his shoulder handled a goalward bound effort in the box to gift the reserves a penalty. Daniel Phillips lashed it into the net to level the scores but despite renewed momentum, the game ended 2-2.

And now we get to the first team game, a top of the table clash, and a chance for the first team to all but seal the league… Tensions were high, the weather was terrible, and then the twat of a referee called the match off because he didn’t want to get wet. Predictably…we went to the pub.

Food of the day: Much to the disappointment of my friends I decided not to succumb to peer pressure and attempt the Hot Wings challenge at hoops that I had so spectacularly failed a week previous. I instead elected for a Parma. It was delicious and my tears didn’t burn my face when I cried myself to sleep later that night.

Beer of the day: CC & Dry. While I was very tempted to go for the Seaford Corona/Water shandy, Hot Wings champion Michael Seeley bought my CC & Dry and it was lovely.

If you have a positive or negative response or just generally feel like disagreeing, I can be contacted at bscmatchreports@gmail.com